To my first born. You ARE a good child!

Where is the time flying to???

You know that moment when you realise your baby isn’t a baby anymore….Dudie is 7 years old. 7!!! He used to call me mommy/mama now it’s just mom. Sometimes he even uses my first name, bless this child. He is so independent but yet still so dependent on mom. Where did the last 7 years go?

One minute I was looking at a 3.4kg chubby face whom I had just birthed and the next he is in Grade 2. Somedays I miss your incessant staring at me and in the same breath I look forward to watching you grow into a handsome young man. A man who will become the object of some woman’s affection yet you will always be the object of my heart and soul.

From the moment I heard your first cry, you literally came screaming into this world, I knew you were destined for great things. Some things will be discovered later but for now, we support you in whatever you want to do. We want to give all the opportunities possible. We want you to explore, to live, to dream. To find your happiness. And wow, you have proven to be an all rounder…and we are SUPER proud of you. In any and everything you give it your best shot.

Your friends look up to you. Somedays I think you are the cool kid but you nonchalantly wave me off and just hang out with your friends. Adults comment on your excellent behaviour. I smile proudly and take the compliment whilst quietly thinking to myself “You aint seen this monkey when he loses his shit”. You are a good child and don’t you ever forget that. Somedays you just fall by the wayside…just as many of us adults do. It’s life, it happens. You know how sometimes you tell me my face has an angry stare but I insist that I am fine. Well, that is mom falling by the wayside. Or when mom doesn’t seem her talkative self, yip that is mom falling by the wayside.

In essence, I want you to know that not everyone is good at everything all the time. So when you do fall by the wayside, cut yourself some slack and don’t be so hard on yourself. At the tender age of 7 years I see how hard you are on yourself. And I know you don’t want to disappoint us. Remember what we always say: “Just try your best. You should be proud of yourself. Your best is good enough for us and should be for you too.”

You are a good child. And I am blessed to call you my son. My love for you is fierce. And it burns like a roaring fire in my soul. I am sorry that it doesn’t always seem that way though.

I love you my child. Be fearless. Discover. Go on adventures. Go live YOUR best life.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Today was a typical day where the wheels fell off the bus. I got you up and going happy bedhead and all. Somewhere in between me calmly, I promise I was calm and there was no shouting, asking you to get done for the millionth time you lost your shit with me. You went off on a tangent and then I got the dreaded “you give Troll more attention than me”. OMG! Really? I will need to rethink this situation as I really don’t think it’s true but I will merit your concerns and address them. I do think we are going through a difficult patch as you are struggling to manage your emotions. And I do think Troll definitely  makes a huge impact on the situation right now. (Adulting and parenting is hard…🙈)

Last night was opening night for your Concert. As always, the moment you take the stage my tears roll. I am so proud of you, how confident you are, how much you pour your heart and sould into everything you do. When I offered you a sandwich, you politely declined because you didn’t want to ruin the makeup 😂😂😂

My proverbial death

Well in 2016, I took a leap in faith and decided that if it is in God’s plan for us to have another baby then we will. I left it in God’s hands. I am a control freak but this was the one decision that I knew I couldn’t make on my own. I needed intervention but I needed God’s intervention, as I just wasn’t sure if we were making the right decision. Turns out God wanted us to have another son. I was nervous as hell as I pee’d on a stick…do you know that both times Dude predicted I was pregnant before I realised it. And he was spot on both times. Maybe he knew something I didn’t. In 2016 when I saw those two lines I was shocked that I didn’t believe it to be true. Dude set out to buy a digital test and it was confirmed again. I was pregnant. If I could do my own blood test I would have.

Fast forward to 2017 and we welcomed our resident alien, another son richer. For the sake of this blog we will call him “Troll” as Dude has dubbed him. A blessing indeed. Life as we knew it changed completely. As much as I tried to prepare my oldest son, Dudie who is 7years old, I neglected to prepare myself…Suddenly, there was a new man in my life who needed me. Every ounce of me. Day and night. To say that I’m tired or even exhausted is an understatement. How did I neglect to prepare myself. Well that was so easy. Whilst helping everyone else make the transition and preparing the baby room I kinda got so wrapped up in it all that I never took a moment to understand or even allow myself to embrace this new change. I was ecstatic and consumed with the happy that I never allowed myself to say goodbye to the old me. Much like I didn’t do 7 years ago when Dudie was born. No one can prepare you for motherhood. Well not for YOUR unique individual experience as a parent.

Troll weighed 4kg at birth. I shit you not. Me, I birthed a 4kg baby…I might do a separate post about it. I didn’t struggle to lose the baby weight as Troll literally suck me dry. But who was I kidding trying to wear my push  up underwire bra….it’s a killer especially when your boobs fill up with milk.

Who knew I would sing “Jesus loves me” a gazillion trillion times….cos the baby seems calmer when I sing it. And 75% of time he drifts off to sleep listening to my singing. Maybe I could make a career out of it on You Tube…one can wish can’t I.

I am breastfeeding mom. Was with Dudie too. But my golly these kids of mine can suck me dry. Sometimes I think my body can’t keep up with their milk demand. Dudie breastfed exclusively for 5months then went on a boob strike and from then I expressed for a further 3 months. Then I was done, my hopes of breastfeeding for a year didn’t quite materialise. Troll is also being breastfed currently. If we can make it to 6 months I’d be happy but If we can last 1 year that’ll be great.

Just as with Dudie, I am back in my normal old clothes again very soon after having Troll. But I have a tummy roll. Omg the dreaded roll. Dudie asked me the other day when the lines on my tummy will disappear. I responded with “Never. It reminds me that I have you and your brother”. And he also asked if I store Troll’s milk in my boobies…this child of mine has no filter…but I love him.

There have been dark days where both kids have drove me completely batty. Especially during Dudie’s school run. Someone is always hungry. Someone always poops as we need to leave. Someone is always unhappy about something.

Then there have been great days where Dudie is showered and ready whilst I’ve still got Troll stuck on my boob. Everyone is happy and the morning is as smooth as baby shit.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. I love being a mom. I just think that I need to stop being so hard on myself. But how can I. How can I drop my own standards. If mom doesn’t do xyz, the wheels on the bus go STOP. If mom doesn’t cook then chances are we WON’T eat supper by 6pm which then means Dudie is in the snack cupboard and snacking like a savage dog.

How am I the only one seeing that if we break out of routine the shit hits the fan?

Let’s not even get started on Dudie’s homework, oral presentations, projects etc…he is only in grade 2 and I swear this child’s homework will be the end of me. We fight and there have been times where I relieve myself from homework duty but I end up with a 7 year old crying his eyes out cos he needs me. His words exactly. He needs me. Mommy must do homework with him.

Being a mom to my two boys is a blessing and yes I am extremely greatful. BUT this mom needs a break. This mom needs a mom retreat. Soon. Before I lose my marbles. I have so many draft posts that I just don’t get around to finishing right now. Life is so busy. And when I have a few minutes to spare you can bet your pennies I’ll be hurriedly busy trying to finish something, read housework, cos otherwise that too just piles up. Life lately is consumed with laundry. Everyday. I kid you not. You can stop over anyday and I bet you will find the washing machine on or the tumble dryer or the load waiting to be washed. Whoever came up with the idea that mom needs to sleep when the baby sleeps was either completely insane or most likely had someone to do each and everything that comes with running a household and family….

I am NOT  the same person I used to be. In fact I am a new me. I’m not even sure I want the old me back but I do know that I miss snippets of the old me. Somewhere when Dudie turned 5 I felt like a person again. Not just a mom. Now throw in the Troll and it feels like I’m back to being just “Mom”.

I get that there are Dads who are very hands on, and granted Dude does help ALOT at home. But what is up with the “mom guilt”? Why can Dad decide to go fish and sleep out with his buddies but if Mom says she is NOT coming home tonight it’s the end of the world? Happy mom happy family right?

Do you do mom retreats?

I’m going to start my own trend #momcation

Spirited Mama

P.S. Troll is 14 weeks old already…where have I been these past 14 weeks??? Feels like a dream.

When you live up to your name…

Do you know what your child’s name means? Did you choose it or did you give someone else the honour of naming your child or children? Did you choose his/her name before they were born? Or are you one of those parents who waited until your child was born, to see what “name” they looked like?

I have 2 sons. Dudie is now 7 years old and the new baby is currently 3 weeks going on 4. I can’t believe how quickly the past three weeks have flown by. Where is time rushing to?

When I was pregnant with Dudie, my Dude and I discussed several names. With both pregnancies our kids were planned. We had a few options but none that really resonated and made me feel “aaahhh that’s the name of my child”. Dude is the 4th generation of family names and when Dudie was in utero I decided that we will not continue the tradition. Don’t worry Dude was totally on board with the decision. One day on my commute to work I sought of had an epiphany. Now I am not the very religious type but I do believe in God and I do regard myself as a Christian. Somehow I had a sense of something around me and I knew in that moment that my child’s name was “Joshua”. Nowhere had I ever dreamt or intended for my child/children to have biblical names. But that feeling was so strong and reassuring that I knew he is destined to be “Joshua”.

Some might know and for those who don’t, for a very very very long time I was convinced that Joshua would be my only child. Albeit that I had relatively fuss free pregnancy and what many believe to be an easy birth too. But in 2015, Dude threw me a curveball wanting or rather longing for another baby. I wasn’t quite ready. I wasn’t convinced. And the whole baby thing was left hanging. I spent alot of time considering having another baby. Many people commented that its because I waited so long. The gap is too big. Blah blah blah… I always knew that I was not cut out to have two babies close in age… I couldn’t handle the thought of two nappy bags, bottles, diapers, etc.

Dude is very supertitious. When I told him that our first born’s name is Joshua, he told me that he needed to think about it and thoroughly do his research. He is a firm believer that one lives up to your name. It took him a while to agree that we will name our first son Joshua.

Joshua means “God saves”. Joshua was and still is my happy child. When we looked into the meaning of his name it described my child to the core. We have witnessed how Joshua has transformed our extended families. We have witnessed how Joshua has impacted our families and brought them together. This child is a hellavu kind of special person and I know he is destined to be great, no matter what he does, no matter what he chooses to be one day.

I joked about how if we ever had another child he will be Noah. Never did I imagine that it would be a reality. But in 2017, 2 weeks earlier than anticipated, we welcomed Noah into our little family. From the onset he crept into my heart and I reAlised that indeed I had a sense of longing, just as much as Dude, for Noah. Dudie is as happy as a pig in mud about having a brother. He is super proud and completely “in love” just like us with Noah.

Noah means rest and comfort. Even though he can make his voice as loud and clear as any baby, he is a peaceful child. It is yet to be seen if he lives up to his name but already he has brought comfort into our souls…

Ironically, I named both our boys, and both have Hebrew names. First and middle names but Dude did add the SURNAME😂

Little did I know that this is my destiny. My family feels complete. It’s me and my guy and our boys ❤️

This is my legacy.

This is my BEST life.

 

Spirited Mama

p.s. The sign featured is one that I bought for Dudie to hang in his bedroom.

Year end drain and winding down…

clock

SO many of us are feeling that year end drain. I know I am and I know my family is too. Gone are the days when Dudie couldn’t wait for Santa to bring him an alarm clock – you know cos he started big school in 2016 (grade 1) and this clock would help him get ready for school every day. Yeah right! This Mama, aka Santa, stepped in and blessed him with an alarm clock. For the record that ship has sailed as the novelty wore off so quickly. No matter how many alarms were set, if he was tired he just would NOT get up. Fuck the alarm clock and all. He will not get done. He will moan and be difficult with each and every task staring him in the face. Until I lose my shit – then we argue and then he says Mom you’re being rude….the joys of parenting.

Whilst we face this year end drain and frantically trying to tie up loose ends, it is also the most wonderful time of the year. We are preparing for the festivities, for Christmas. The festive season is upon us. A time of joy, laughter, lazy days spent around the swimming pool…and lest we forget the final weeks before the resident alien arrives. This will be our last Christmas as a family of 3 because next year we will have another little boy joining our table.

My advice – cut yourself some slack. The kid made it through the year unscathed. And tonight we will shed a silent tear of pride as he owns that stage at his prize giving ceremony. We only have 3 days of grade 1 left. Go on have a drink or eat some cake cos I’m #30weekspregnant remember…10 more weeks…Somehow, I have a sneaky suspicion that the resident alien will arrive earlier. Let’s hope it’s not too early.

Happy festive prepping. We need to finish the baby nursery.

Spirited Mama

P.S. This morning conversation with Dudie

Dudie: Mom can you pray when you are dead?

Me: I don’t know, I’ve never been dead.

Stop and play with the bubblewrap

img_0615

Sometimes we get so busy and forget to just enjoy our present situations and be grateful for our blessings. Dudie and I are in a foul space. We are constantly bickering and quite frankly I’m not sure why. I am concerned that it may have something to do with the impending arrival of the resident alien, who is due in 13 weeks. Could it be a result of him not wanting to share my attention? Could it be that I am talking about the baby more and more?

Dude started painting the baby room, we had a slight mishap read here if you missed it, but thankfully that is now fixed. Soon we will no longer be 3 but 4 humans in the Spirited household.

As much as it is an adjustment for the adults, I cannot even begin to imagine how my 7yr old must feel. Suddenly, there will be a cute, cuddly and sweet smelling person in our family ALL the time. Suddenly, he needs to share his mom and dad with a sibling. It must be rough.

I am hoping that Dudie and the resident alien will become bosom friends and that they will share a love and connection so strong that nothing and no one can ever break it.

As for now, it is finally Friday. It feels like this week has taken forever. I am tired and my feet are swollen, #27weekspregnant .

I received a package the other day but I will share that news another day. My Dudie was way more excited for the bubblewrap in the box. Even the dog got into playing with the bubblewrap. Dude wanted to throw the bubblewrap away and Dudie protested. As pictured above even the dog went to lie on the bubblewrap to keep Dude from throwing it away.

It’s the small things, like watching Dudie and the dog, find their joy in playing with bubblewrap that fills my soul. I too have a love for bubblewrap. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I NEED to slow down, not because #Iampregnant but because I will miss out on the best patts of life if I continue to rush through it.

Happy Friday!

Spirited Mama

P.S. We had a freak storm last night and again at 1am this morning.

P.P.S I am taking the morning off to feed my unborn baby butter biscuits and lie in bed, whilst Dudie is at school.

Japanese teaches MANNERS before KNOWLEDGE

I saw this over on the Mumetoes facebook page and it got me thinking.

14963133_1797580583814265_2026743582891426150_n

Dudie is currently finishing off Grade 1. If I think about the beginning of this year , how my child came home one day in a flat spin because he is starting to write weekly tests. This was a MAJOR thing for Dudie. He was freaking out. Nowhere have we ever pressurized him about tests etc. Somehow someone must have told him that he should be worried about tests.

Side note – Both Dude and I study and still write exams. We never let our stress show or cause this child anxiety when it is our exam periods.

We have always encouraged the behaviour – YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH. Everyone is unique. Everyone differs intellectually. You can only give your best. And you should be happy with giving your best.

Seeing this extract about MANNERS before KNOWLEDGE resonated with me. This is exactly how we try to teach and educate Dudie. And hopefully we can do so with the resident alien too.

In my opinion, even if you are a total genius if your manners suck – I WILL THINK THAT YOU ARE AN ARSEHOLE and quite possibly NOT associate with you. I think that some people are too focussed on the ACADEMIC side rather than raising a well-balanced, well-mannered individual. Dudie’s school is very strict on raising well-rounded individuals. It was one of the main deciding factors for choosing that school.

What is your take on this?

Spirited Mama

P.S. I can not believe that I am 27 weeks pregnant already. Freaking out a little as the time is nearing…

Is your child armed and ready?

I found this post  on “The MOM Diaries”

I Lost My 3 Year-Old While Playing Hide And Seek PLUS Safety Tips!

Reading that headline – My heart sank. Now I have not personally had such an experience (hopefully I will not) but it can HAPPEN to ANYONE. Kids are fast and incredibly creative/inventive/sneaky/escape artists etc…

I AM the paranoid mom. I bought the baby strap to keep Dudie in tow when we went out. People were disgusted that I put my child on a leash -guess what he is safe and with me was my very diplomatic response. I had people asking me in very hushed tones where I bought that strap cos they were too embarrassed to ask out loud. Hell even my Dude was not impressed with me. I stuck to my guns.

I don’t allow my kid to play amongst the clothing rails in a shop. Neither do I allow him to run up and down an aisle. He is always within my sight. Some people find this too overbearing but in hindsight I say rather safe than sorry.

Playgrounds at restaurants freaks me out and totally stress Dude out. Dudie doesn’t often play in the restaurant. We are there to eat as a family as we would at home – we eat together as a family. We do allow “some” play time in some restaurants where “we” are comfortable and where we can see Dudie.

It got me thinking. Is my child armed and ready  with the necessary emergency information? Not emergency information that is written down somewhere for him but does he “know/remember” his emergency information. He knows our names and our surname. He knows my number (and is way too happy to give it to anyone willing to listen. this includes random marketers) He knows his home address.

My question to Dudie – What is Dad’s number?

Dudie – In an emergency I will call you and you can just call Dad.

Me- We are together almost ALL the time. What if I can’t talk or if I have an emergency, how will you call Dad?

Dudie – Uhm , ok is it that 082 number?

Me – YESSSS! Now let’s start practicing it again please.

Is your kid equipped for an emergency?

sos-help-24697012

Spirited Mama

P.S. Dudie now knows the number!