The hours in my day

Hello, in this little Spirited Family, if you have read some of my posts, nothing is uneventful. Sometimes, I wonder if what is actually happening is real or a dream. By golly, I sometimes sit and reflect on our life and literally end up laughing out loud at some of the shit that happens. This family can be funny….but we are a herd and we love each other. That’s all that matters…

I’ve been MIA because life has been CRAY CRAY… me getting back to work after maternity leave, Troll starting at his daycare, me getting into a routine with the school run for 2 kids. WHOA! Who knew adding 1 little person can rock the boat that much. For most of it, we have fun in the mornings, even when I’m freaking out that we are running late. Some mornings it’s a screaming match. Some mornings we look like the Brady bunch.

But here’s a rundown of the day before I started working again:

The day started off fairly well. Dudie didn’t have too many issues getting up or getting ready for school. Dude sends me a message “Enjoy your last day at home”. I have been taking Troll to his daycare every morning for a week to get used to his new environment too. I generally sit in the office and watch him on the monitors fro an hour of so. Then we leave for home. After the school run, I dash back to Dudie’s school to buy books on his wishlist from the Travelling Bookshop. (I never carry cash so I had to go swipe my card myself – imagine me giving Dudie all that cash – Uhm I think NOT!). Then my Aunt calls to say they are in the city for a few hours, can we have a quick visit? I say sure but I have a few errands and will call when I’m home. Then Troll decides to be miserable and make a monster poop. I quickly calculate and decide we are only 5 km’s from home, let’s go home.

At home, I change Troll and give him a solid feed. I make myself a warm steaming cup of coffee. One of our dogs seems to think she is a cat. So the cat decided to become Houdini, and jumped the wall or escaped somehow… Troll decides to make an explosive poop AGAIN! I change him, and voila as I pick him up he vomits all over both of us. So I change him and myself… My phone keeps ringing. It’s the neighbour to tell me the dog is casually lying outside in front of their gate…WTF? How did she get there? I rush outside to take her back in. Give her a stern scolding and let it be.

Troll decides to nap and I think, fuck it, let me enjoy this coffee. Then the estate agent calls, she has a potential tenant for us but urgently needs the key to the flat. So I say ok I will bring the key in a bit. By now, it’s 11am and I now need to race all the way to the other end of Pretoria and drop the keys and then race back for Dudie’s pickup. Then I remembered I needed stuff for Troll. I pack up the sleeping baby and stop at Clicks. OMG!!!! This Clicks is becoming notorious for the lack of “efficient” customer service in the checkout queue. I’m not even kidding. They are by far the slowest I have ever seen.  Whether it is busy or not, they will work at the same snail pace as they usually do. Eventually, I am out of there and hitting the road. Why is it that when you are in a hurry seems everyone else is on a “go slow”?

I make it to the estate agent in record time. I didn’t even switch the car off. I just gave her the keys outside the estate. LOKL. Back in the car – thankfully Troll is sleeping through ALL of this. I rush to meet my family. I managed to hug and greet properly and down a Chai Latté in a few minutes. Ticked that off my list, now to rush to pick up Dudie. On route, I decide to pop a chocolate eclair sweet in my mouth. Now, this is NOT a sweet that you can eat very fast. I get to school and damn this sweet is still in my mouth. As I approach the gate, the teacher wants to talk to me and I can’t open my mouth as the damn sweet is now stuck between my top and bottom back molars… As I try to speak I have drool dripping on the side of my mouth. Thankfully, I just raised the baby to my right cheek and avoided a very embarrassing situation. As I collect Dudie, he announces that he needs to go back for his water bottles. I’m thinking of chaining the damn thing to him, as lately he just seems very blasé about its whereabouts…Well until I ask about it.

One more stop. We arrive at swimming school. Dudie has his lesson and I drift off whilst the other moms ooh and aah over Troll in the waiting area. Back in the car, I cover Troll with his warm blanket and tell Dudie to wrap himself with ALL his clothes. I put the aircon on full blast just so that I can stay awake whilst driving home.

I told Dude that if I am passed out by the time he gets home; it’s because I have had 25 days worth of crazy in one day.

Somedays I have this all sorted and some days…well it’s all CRAY CRAY.

Spirited Mama

P.S. Dudie tells me, “Mom if you don’t want to smell like the baby’s vomit just wash with soap and water”. Me: Thanks my child, I’ll remember that…

 

Roundabouts

My life lately has felt like one big never ending roundabout. Somehow, I just felt out of sorts.

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But in all the events that have made me feel like I am stuck in a roundabout there has been some “memorable” moments too.

Yesterday I collect Dudie at school. I decide lets drive with ALL the windows open as there was a refreshing breeze. Well you had to drive slightly over the speed limit to enjoy that breeze. So we are homeward bound and Suddenly Dudie screams and I almost freaking stop in the middle of the road. Why did he scream as if someone was being murdered? Because the wind swept his school hat off his head and into the oncoming traffic.

Now, I have to calculate the risk of getting that school hat back, but that would mean I would have to run into oncoming traffic. Or I write off the hat and fork out another R130 for another school hat. School uniforms are crazy expensive. Why???

So I decide screw that let’s get that hat back. We make a u-turn at the next traffic light only to find the wind and traffic has now swept the hat back to the other side of the road. It’s 2pm traffic and people are crazy fast on this road. So we make a few u-turns because every time I get close to this hat it’s not in the spot where I last saw it. Also, I’m 28 weeks pregnant and need to take very calculated risks…so eventually I said screw this and park the bakkie on the island at the traffic light and jump out to pick up the hat. Hat recovered. Mom scores big time with the Dudie.

Fast forward until Dude walks in the door looking all glum…why because he can’t find his wallet ANYWHERE. He called a friend at work to please check if it’s not there. Said friend is at the gym and will only be able to check in about 30minutes or so. Oh and we live in Pretoria but he works in Johannesburg, so it’s not just quick drive back to work to check.

Now, I am writing exams on Friday and Dude and Dudie were supposed to collect the youngest dog, who got spayed cos we can’t deal with a newborn and puppies in 2017, but now he doesn’t have a single bank card or drivers license. So I say let’s move now cos I don’t want to be stuck in traffic and you know I need to study. With pregnant belly and all off we go.

Side note, I’m not sure if Dude gets a kick out of driving each and every vehicle we have until the reserve light comes on. I can’t comprehend this. Why? When we always have to be somewhere quickly we must first stop for petrol or diesel…..I digress

I stop for diesel. Then off to collect the dog at our trusted Vet, who is now closing his practice and immigrating. We have been with him for about 13 years. Where am I going to find such a great vet again. (On Wednesday evening After being discharged from hospital we quickly drop our dog at the vet. Receptionist is freaking out cos I had a weird look on my face as the resident alien just kicked my ribs and because I still wearing my hospital id band. She thought I was going into labour.) I settle the bill and we get the dog. Homeward bound.

On route Dude’s friend calls to say that he found his wallet and will keep it safe til the morning. As we get into the house, we (Dude) says there is enough leftovers for supper. I go try to study. I emerge from the room every now and then for some snacks or a drink. Then I announce I’m having a muffin and yoghurt for supper you guys need to sort yourselves out. The Dudie goes and checks the kitchen and very unamused announces Uh where’s the supper? Whilst checking the microwave and oven😂. Dudie settled on cream cheese and saltycrax. Dude settled on fish.

I go back to study, Dudie brings two of his favorite stuffed toys to help me. Then asks “Are you like doing sums? Or those words that you can see or touch uhm like nouns or is it the ones that hold  a place?” I figured he was referring to pronouns. This kid thinks I am clever but he forgets that I too attended school once upon a time, or back in the olden days like he calls it.

I asked Dudie if he wanted to help put some oil on my growing tummy but oh boy, this kid used about 1/3 Of the bottle on my tummy. If you dropped me into a deep fryer you could fry up 1 kilogram of calamari for the amount of oil on my tummy.

So even though I feel like I’m in a bit of a roundabout, I still have so many memorable moments with my spirited family. They keep me grounded. And they sure keep me entertained.

Happy Friday.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I think my exam went way better than anticipated this morning. Granted I didn’t get much sleep but I am taking a siesta right after I post this.

Paint me like a….

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So yesterday the Dude gets home and is now ready to paint the resident alien’s, aka new baby’s, room. Granted we bought paint a few weeks ago. We even have new paint for our bedroom. Baby room Plascon Double velvet – a soft powdery blue, our room Dulux Colours of the World – Soulful Kenya.

Dude starts painting whilst I’m starting dinner. Something nudges me to go check if the stuff is covered in the room. I get there….and I say as calm as possible uhm what are you doing?”

Granted when I have “that” calm voice you should run because that is when I actually want to use some profanity but I digress and keep calm. Ironically, Dude chose the paint for the baby room. I had a general idea of the color but he chose the final product.

What did he do? He painted the baby room with our paint, the Soulful Kenya colour. Thankfully it was only half of the one wall.

I walked away and laughed it off as I continued in the kitchen.

He did fix it. And now the resident alien’s room is looking very nice. He also started painting our room. I would say with touch ups and finishes here and there we should have two newly painted rooms before the end of this week.

I am excited because frankly a fresh coat of paint is like a whole new room all together. Now to get some decor for the baby room.

Yes, you may laugh out loud. I told you before these things really happen in Spiritville. I do not make these things up.

Spirited Mama

P.S. So the USA got TRUMPED! I am gobsmacked.

Ronald McDonald I suggest you find another job…

FILE - In this file photo released by McDonald's Corp., a familiar Ronald McDonald in his trademark yellow jumpsuit is shown. Some branding experts think the McDonald’s Corp. clowns’ floppy red shoes and flaming-red hair are too hackneyed for iPod-savvy kids. (AP Photo/McDonald's Corp., file)

Image courtesy of Huffington post.

Ronald McDonald things are not looking good for you. It would seem your JOB is in danger. You might soon be a statistic….

Seriously, hands up if you are scared of clowns! Clowns give me the creeps. I don’t think I will ever have a clown at one of my kids birthday parties… I totally get why kids get freaked out. Have you seen a clown lately?

I have nothing against anyone who chooses to be a clown as a profession but it surely would NOT be my choice. Last night, when I had a million other important things to do, Dude and I were chatting and catching up on the News24 feed for the day. Did you read the Creepy Clown Madness article?

Firstly, click here if you have not read the article.

Secondly, it scared the bejeesus out of me and both Dude and I were reminded of the movie “It” that we saw when we were kids.

Thirdly, Did you know “Coulrophobia – the fear of clowns – may affect as many as one in 10 people, said Matthew Lorber, director of the child and adolescent psychiatry department at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York” scary statistic but is in fact real and not your imagination.

After getting over the initial shock and fear I found so much humour in this as it reminded me of Ronald McDonald. Now, I am not the biggest Mcdonalds fan but can I just say that McDonalds Hong Kong ROCKS! Also, Ronald McDonald I am worried about you as I doubt whether after people see the Creepy Clown article you will have a bad rep….and quite possible be unemployed. I also found this article online

McDonald’s Is Scaling Back Ronald McDonald Appearances Due to Creepy Clown Sightings

Now let me stop clowning around and get to work. Ronald, I don’t know what the fcuk you are gonna do…

Spirited Mama

Tooth fairies are overrated and freaking expensive!!!!

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(Image from Getty images…)

So on Wednesday Dudie jumps in the car after soccer practise and announces that his big tooth, central incisor (did you know that it actually had a real name), is loose. I inspect, now bare in mind that teeth pulling is not my thing. I will wipe your arse and clean up after you. Hell I will even clean up blood spills and wounds BUT DO NOT ASK ME TO PULL YOUR TOOTH. It freaks me out! Just the thought of it gives me the hibbejeebees… That is Dude’s job. So I say don’t worry you can ask Dad later to pull it for you.

Fast forward all other extra mural activities and this is how it went down at home…I say can you guys not pull that tooth before we have supper then that way Dudie can eat properly without having to worry about this loose tooth…So Dude and Dudie go off to the bathroom, with Dudie yelling Come on Mom come see…

No thank you Mom is happily setting the table for dinner. I hear the moaning and arguing because now the tooth seems to be tight and slipping and now they are looking for a pliers. I STAY AWAY! Next minute Dude comes out of the bathroom, looking like a surgeon who just completed a 12hour surgery and Dudie comes racing to the table, blood dripping from his mouth I kid you not, but so ecstatic that his tooth is out. I am just elated that shit is over and I did not have to witness any of it. Oh my greatness, I am beyond scared that if anything happens to Dude what the fuck am I going to do??? And the resident alien will also have to go through this process. I am not scared of a dentist, not at all. In fact I have very good teeth. Up to today, I still have my own teeth and NO fillings  whatsoever. I will religiously brush my teeth, to point where Dude has told me I am going to brush the  enamel off.

During our dinner conversation, Dude says wow that tooth is so big maybe the tooth fairy will bring you R50. I choked a little but thought, Fuck am I glad it’s not my turn to be the tooth fairy! Later I say to Dude, don’t you think it’s a bit much? But he feels the kid deserved a royal treat. Then I say, well does the tooth fairy even have cash? Now, please note that I never carry cash, like never. The money that you do find in my possession is probably just the daily aftercare fee that I have to withdraw else my kid and teachers get confused about when he has casual aftercare days…(Tried paying upfront but they fucked up my system so now I withdraw the exact amount and ensure that I have the exact denominations per day for casual aftercare) Anyway, so I had to borrow Dude, aka Tooth fairy dad, R50.

You may have read about our mishap with the tooth fairy last time, if not you can read it here

This time I was so not going to mess this up. When I went to bed Dudie was most likely having his 3rd or 4th dream, so I carefully removed the tooth from under his pillow and placed the R50 there instead.

Can I just say that this kid was so chuffed when he woke up the next morning. Why? Because Daddy was right. The tooth fairy also thought that that was a big tooth and that he deserved R50.

Let’s just hope the next tooth he loses is a smaller one, else I am fucked….just saying…

Happy Friday!

Spirited Mama

P.S. My Tooth Fairy will be standing at the traffic light with a cardboard sign…

tooth-fairy-beggar

( I randomly sourced this image on the net and just inserted my own words…)

 

 

 

My bones are UPGRADING…

As we were getting ready for the school day this morning Dudie comes limping into the kitchen and announces that he will now go and undress (note – he is fully dressed in school attire sans his jersey) as his stomach and legs and just all the bones are aching…I politely (read – I don’t have time for this shot this morning) say NO you most certainly will not. YOU will go to school. Please go and get done in your room and come sit down for breakfast. And don’t even think about moping around… Off he goes and comes back now fully kitted in school attire but being the rebel that he refuses to tie his one shoe lace.

Now I put his cereal and milk on the table for him so he literally just pours the milk into the bowl and has to eat. Dudie stands next to the table stares at the bowl and decided stuff it he is drinking his Airmune aka water medicine as we call it, and then just continues staring at this bowl. I announce aka warn that I am packing the car and we are leaving in 2 minutes, so eat if you want to. He just glares at me.

I come back and say right let’s move. Dudie now wants to pour milk into his bowl. I calmly state the obvious that he has now run out of time and that he will not have cereal this morning. (I have spoilt this child for far to long… Previously I would have sat down and just allowed him to have his cereal. But no more.) I say you can have a yoghurt or an apple on the way. Decide. He chooses the apple and off we go. Our drive to school is only about 5km’s and usually takes about 10 – 15 minutes but given that Dudie can distract himself from reality that time is not enough to eat that small apple… 2 minutes into the drive he pipes up, Mom should I eat the apple first or have my vitamin(I gave him a centrum chew tablet at home and he politely just kept it in his hand). Me – whatever just have it before we get to school.

Dudie is super proud and so are we of the fact that he can read. And I mean read proper words and sentences read. So he spells a few words so that I can help him with the pronunciation.

Me: Dudie if your bones are aching then how will you play soccer tomorrow? Remember you have a soccer match tomorrow.

Dudie: It’s fine. My bones are upgrading. It only takes like 20 hours so it’ll be done tomorrow. My legs, toes , ears and elbows are already done. So its just the other bones that need to upgrade.

I swear there is a reason why we face forward whilst driving with kids….I laugh internally and made a note to LOL later.Then Dudie changes the topic to heros and superheros. He then proceeds to tell me about how Superman dies in Batman VS Superman (note this is NOT my kind of movie and Dude and Dudie have seen it a few times) but somehow I am just not getting it. Mind you am trying to weave through the traffic and to ensure that cross over safely onto the school premises, so excuse me for not focusing 0n Batman or Superman. Dudie now clearly becomes annoyed with me and just says, It’s fine that you don’t get it. It’s complicated!

Seriously, my 6 year old telling me “it’s complicated” really??? Where did this child morph from? This is the product of a Spirited, strong willed, head strong, opinionated household….and we are adding another little person to this dynamic in Spiritville. Fun times lie ahead of us…

Happy Friday. My bones will be upgrading this weekend. Parenting can be hard at times but also SO rewarding and funny. Love this child! He reminds to laugh a little…and not be so serious all the time.

Spirited Mama

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The case of the missing Oxtail Potjie left overs…

So you may have read about how I ended up at Wilgers ER but don’t fret I’m ‘A’ for away. No rest for the wicked….

So in between all the fine dining, drinking, partying, just living in true spirited style my Dude made us some delicious Oxtail Potjiekos. (For those who do not know what I’m referring to – You cook your food in a cast iron black pot over coals(firewood/coal fire). It is mouthwateringly tasty. I generally feel that left over Potjiekos(about a day old) tastes way better…

potjies have to be so expensive? We bought a flat based pot to make “Potbread” but is yet to try it out…>

Back to the point. So one day last week, I decided we are cleaning out the fridge, eating all edible left overs and chucking the rest. The spirited family (Dude, Dudie & I) gather in the kitchen and we take on the Fridge! We ate watermelon, cheese, desserts, yoghurts, mango, peaches and then we find the ‘Oxtail”….Ta da da dam! So Dudue decides we’re gona warm it up and go sit down at the table like civilised people who are about to share the most delicious food ever….(As most men, my Dude suffers from “I-Do-NOT-KNoW-WHAT/WHEre- ANYTHING-I’M-Looking-FOr-BUT-I-JUST-HAD-IT-A-Minute-AGO- SYNDROME!) I’m not kidding – he will stand infront of his closet stare at his shirts and continue to ask me where his white shirt is? WTF? It’s right there staring back at YOU! Or the infamous – WHere are my shoes? Really? Like you wore them so how the fck should I know where you put them.

Amidst the cleanup – he asks me “where’s the Oxtail?”  This is how it went down:

Me: How should |I know? You just had it…

Dude: But I put it down on the counter… Now it’s gone!

Me: You know how you misplace things…. Maybe you put it back in the fridge?

Dude: I’ll check. Fck, I just had it.

Then we realise Dudie is no longer there…. So we go searching. We find Dudie sitting infront of the security gate feeding the dogs… yes, the oxtail….Dude runs to rescue it but alas it’s too late. They have devoured 60% of the contents and Dudie is now screaming frantically that it’s for the dogs. We surrender the food and leave him to feed the dogs. We ate crackers with cream cheese… BLEH….

Note to self: Watch child around food. Dude will feed those dogs ANYTHING! As a baby, I was once caught him sharing his dried mago strips with the one dog. He would lick it then let her lick repeat process. True Story. I shudder to think what else they may have shared. Recently, i caught him trying to feed the cockatiels chicken and the drumstick bone…. I calmly said, baby They don’t eat themselves chicken. They will get very very sick. I’m sad to report that our one bird has passed on but we do not know the cause of death…

Spirited Mama

P.S. I’m very busy at work at the moment and hardly have time to pee nevermind lunch. I got to work an hour late this morning, due to delays with the GAUTRAIN!!! Thanks a mil!

P.P.S. My cousin had a baby girl yesterday!