10 Years ago…

Today, 10 years ago….we became Mr & Mrs ❤️ To be joined together as one.

The one phrase that stuck in my head since 10 years ago is “They are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” Matthew 19.6 (Dude seems comfused. As if this is the first time he hears this verse…was he not at our wedding😂)

We have grown so much…it amazes me. We have so much to be grateful for and we are most definitely abundantly blessed. We even gained 2 beautiful sons in our marriage.

Dude is sitting next to me as I write this post this is what he just said…”Our marriage is like our tortoise…slow and steady wins the race”.

Cheers to us. To a lifetime of us. Always and forever❤️

Spirited Mama

P.S. The resident alien arrived on 24 January 2017. So in celebrating our 10 years of marriage, we also celebrate the resident alien being 10 days old today.

 

Empowering women? Are we really ready?

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This was a random picture my Dude sent to me. Roughly translated “Once upon a time there was a woman that wasn’t full of shit. But that was a very long time ago… and it was only that one day“. Unfortunately, he caught me on a day where I felt I needed to reinforce my independence and I then replied with this

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Roughly translated “Once upon a time, men used to hunt and make fires and didn’t get involved/butt in“.

So the phrase “empowering women” has been on my mind for a long time. Are we, as a society, really ready to empower women? Are we giving it our best shot? Or are we doing it half heartedly because someone said we must?

More and more women are doing what was once considered “the man’s job” in previous times. Does it look like more and more men are ok with women moving into “their” domain? I am all for being a liberal independent woman. My Dude sometimes gets upset because he wants to do something for me but I am not helpless. I can do some things for myself, thank you very much. It doesn’t make me any less of a woman and it surely doesn’t make him any less of a man, well that is my opinion.

I am me. I am strong. And I am strong willed, sometimes just stubborn. I will do what I need to do for myself. Because I can. And because I like my independence.

Some women actually do a much better job, in different domains, than a man would do. Yet somehow women are still not seen as equals to their male counterparts. Has society indoctrinated us so badly that we only see women as being barefeet, pregnant and standing behind a stove? From personal experience, it was typical of some of my working environments, the males felt threatened by women in top positions. Are men really still intimidated by their woman’s paycheck? Is it really SO bad if she brings home the bacon?

Why do people frown upon a SAHM, stay at home mom? If you can afford it, why not? If that is what you want to do. No one will raise your kid(s) the way YOU want to. What about stay at home Dads? Has society accepted it? These dads are so few and far in between. Why is it that men are some of the biggest critics of stay at home dads? Does it really take away your manliness? Balancing family and a career is tough. In my opinion, something has got to give. Whether it is time spent with family or chasing that dream JOB. The aim is finding YOUR balance, your ZEN. What works for you and your family might not be ideal for mine.

Whatever happened to having an equal partnership with your spouse? Co-existing in unison, peace and harmony. And hopefully surrounded by love.

Spirited Mama

P.S. I suspect that the USA wasn’t quite ready for such a liberal move as having a female president. Were they scared? Who knows why the America got TRUMPED.

Ta DA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I am trying to get myself out of somewhat of a “bad” space. It’s mostly in my head but it’s there none the less. <I’m not my usual “happy camper” self and the effects are rubbing off onto my family. Trouble is, I just couldn’t put a finger on it and say “Ta Da! That’s what’s wrong or needs fixing.>

I’ve decided that for the sake of the greater good maybe I should just abstain from blogging as my equilibrium was/is shifting. And I really did not want to rant/vent here.

 

I’ve been finding it a tad bit difficult to see that light at the end of the tunnel. But let me assure myself that I see a faint one none the less. And I think that with perseverance and hard work, I just might get closer and closer to that light. Mommy.ville has been challenging as Dudie challenges me around each and every corner. I very rarely give a pat on the bum/hand as I prefer the “1-2-3 time-out” method.  This was going swimmingly until recently. When I start with 1, he says 2-3 and then waits for my response. My response now is 1 – get the chair and put in time-out. I don’t even get to 2.

Wife.ville has been challenging. Dude is feeling neglected. He doesn’t feel the sense of “belonging”. I get that. And I’ve taken stock as to how/where tis happens. Oh my Gloria, it happens so easily. I get on with “my stuff” without him. And I feel less guilty when he’s working on a weekend as I then have justification for my behaviour. I’m trotting into dangerous territory here, as we had a very blunt argument/venting discussion about it.  I’m numb to the core. Part of me wants to be a stubborn biatch and tell him to go fck himself but when I think about how I feel about him, I’m seriously not willing to part ways with him. I really need to work at my marriage!

Work has been work. Filled with mundane tasks yet also I feel that my cup desk runneth over with admin. I’m yet to sort out some crap with some people.

 I’ve assessed my situation, and it’s pretty fcked up. If you walked in my front door tomorrow, you’d think that we were a well balanced household. I’m a crafty wife too. But on the back burner, if you stayed awhile and paid attention, you’d see that I’m actually finding it extremely difficult to balance life/marriage/mommy.ville/work/etc….

 Something’s gotta give. And for a while it’s been work. And my Dude. I need to fix this. Work can stay exactly where it is. But I need to fix my relationship with Dude.

 <We’ve been existing in the same house. How is that even possible? Just putting these thoughts out is making me emotional again. I don’t want to exist. I want to live!>

Me and Mrs Jones….

Dude and I loved love dancing. Albeit he’s the better dancer, I still think I rock!

<A few years ago we were invited to an open day at a dance school. We had so much fun! The instructors told bith Dude and I that we need to be more stiff??? Apparently we move our hips to much? Well, my hips don’t lie!!!!>

Dudie has always liked music. And just like his mom, he enjoys a wide variety. Different genres. We even have Dude enjoying genres other than his norm.

I got home last night, granted I just needed to touch up dinner, as I had cooked on Sunday evening already. Within 5 minutes of me being there, the Dudie puts on some music. 2yr old knows exactly how to work the CD/DVD player.>  He, Dudie, chose the CD and the very first song to play is: Me & Mrs Jones… My Dude was within 2 metres of me, I give my Dude a bear hug and we slow dance in the kitchen…. We progressed through the kitchen to the living room, where Dudie was leaning against the couch. Dudie gets extremely shy when his Dad shows any affection towards me.

We invite Dudie to join in our dance but he point-blank refuses. But he did end up dancing with mommy, all by himself. See neither one of my boys wants to share me with the other. 🙂

Dudie and I ended up dancing for 20 minutes. He was so impressed with his Mommy’s dancing skills, albeit it was spinning and twirling etc… Those are the memories I want my child to have of me.
And again I embedded the smiling face of my son in my memory box…

P.S. I am well aware that as I age my metabolism slows down. I am NOT a gym person. You will NOt get me to sign up for Gym membership. I don’t care about your stupid specials. I believe that if i just get dancing again, maybe I’ll shed some kilos??? Dudie has me dancing for 20 – 30 minutes almost everyday now! I’m well aware of how unfit I am but I’ll get there….

P.P.S If you haven’t seen/bought it already you need to get Happy Feet 2. The soundtrack is amazing. We copy the dance in the intro and by the time the routine is done, I need to wipe the sweat…

 Watch the trailer here. How can your spirits not be lifted after that? Bridge of Light is one of my all time favourites to sing to Dudie…<It also helps him to vent his anger/frustrations cos he understands somehow what little Eric is going through>

 

And the Award goes to…

Spiritedmama awards:

  • Non-Punctual employee 2012
  • Non-communicating wife 2012
  • No more patience and tolerance for toddler tantrums
  • No  more patience and tolerance for diseases/illness doing the rounds at school
  • And I can go on but it is the weekend, so let’s just stop there, for now

And I need to recharge this weekend. Really. I.must.need.to.recharge.

Dudie has tonsillitis and since 1am this morning – diarrhea. I’m sleep deprived. I’m running on fumes. I need some uninterrupted sleep, which is not happening this weekend as Dude has to W.O.R.K! Both Saturday and Sunday! And no I can’t make up for it by going to bed at 5pm in the afternoon either as Dude/Dudie may will wake me for something. And by something, I mean something irrelevant/had f*all to do with me. Sigh. Oh well, it’s the weekend and I’m going to take it in my stride and conquer each day minute at a time. <I’m just feeling sorry for myself and I need to vent a bit>

P.S. This morning the Spirited Family overslept and hence mommy having to drop Dudie and Dude.

So during the drive to work, Dude gives me this 4o minute- I shit you not- he really spoke all the way through traffic- lecture on how I should liven up/he’s bored with his routine life/ he wants to move somewhere new/ he’s looking for a challenge/ if we break free from routine it’ll force us to change our habits – but in the same breath he’s worried that he’ll fck up our relationship kinda lecture.  I like routine. I like the familiar. I don’t like family issues/drama hence why we live in GP and they live in CPT!

I calmly told myself that I should let him vent because if I respond I’m going to get all defensive and emotional and I wasn’t in the mood to get to work all teary eyed!

I’m sure he’ll want some action tonight but I don’t think so! I need some sleep never mind beauty sleep. At this rate I might get some beauty sleep when Dudie moves out the house. Which would be in roughly 2o odd years or so?

 

P.P.S. I get all emotional and feel like I’ve burnt out when I get sick. And I started getting sick on Wednesday, just after Dudie did. And guess what, I started feeling all emotional to the point where if Dude doesn’t do exactly what I asked him – I get irritated. Currently I have a problem with the way he washes the dishes. think know I’m OCD!> He doesn’t clean them properly. We let our dishes air dry but I’m the only one packing them away. Dude will wash dishes and add to the pile that just needs to be packed away! I can’t handle it. I’m anxious when I think about going into the kitchen.

I’m bruised

So I recently started following Things I can’t say and you definitely need to read about Pour your heart out. I can’t keep up with the reading. Everytime I go there I get that “Ah ha” moment or that feeling of deja vu, as if I just said that to myself in my head.

<I tend to talk to myself. A.LOT.>

So today I’m pouring my heart out, albeit anonymously.

My Dude and I, up until yesterday, were not in a good space. We were simply surviving. We were not enjoying each other, all because of the space/mind frame I was in. He has happily pointed out to me that I go through certain cycles, i.e.

1. happy/ecstatic the world can vanish around me and I would be feeling great

2. The ok/I’m fine transition

3. The Sulky/Moody put on my boxing gloves ‘cos I’m ready for a fight bitch

4. The Bitchy/depro phase

On Tuesday morning he said, you’re heading down that road of sulky/bitchy phase.distint time frame between them> Of course, it was my bright idea to ask him to point it out so that I can try to pull myself out of it. But because he did this, I felt vulnerable. Like he’s only pointing out the negative

fck up mind-set. I don’t do it deliberately but before I know it I’m thinking about the negatives again>

I felt bruised. I’m still somewhat tender but I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with Life. We had a very very lengthy discussion about this and hopefully my mind will do what I intend for it to do. So for now, I’m bruised but at least we’ve acknowledge this flaw in  my personality and I’m trying to fix this.

So go check out, Things I can’t say because it just might be what you need today.

P.S. Shell you have no idea how this has helped me already

P.P.S. She’s got some awesome giveaways too. Not sure if South Africans can enter but I will anyway 🙂