I read this post about Doing it all by Raising Men and it got me thinking about how I think pretend to be superwoman. And whilst superwoman is flying high suddenly she gets hit by some turbulence and crash lands. But she gracefully gets up, dusts herself and takes to the sky again. This process is on repeat in my world. How do I stop it? Do I want to stop it? After much deliberation, I’ve realised that “that” crash landing is my coping mechanism. I quit smoking in January this year and although I’ve been temtped when facing trying times I’ve stuck to my guns and have not smoked again.
My crash landing is generally somewhere between me having a very very FUGLY cry or me sitting alone in the dark after the everyone’s in bed not being able to focus on anything as I have a gazillion things/ideas/plans/voices wreaking havoc in my head. Sometimes I might even have a hissy fit and just let rip (read: throw my toys out the cot and scream at Dude). I really try not to take it out on Dudie but damn it’s tough. With Dudie, I kinda do and say stuff without the usual emotions involved. (True story – as Dude pointed this out to me). It really sad ‘cos I can see him distance himself from me at times.
But as we know nobody is perfect. We all have our flaws. And we all try our best. And our best is all we can give. So with that in mind, if you need to have a cry – cry. Put on some mascara and lipgloss and you’ll be ready to face the world again 🙂
Yesterday, after I missed my bus and then the next bus was delayed and then I git a later train, etc, etc, etc… Still, I got home in record time but my mood was a bit “off”. not sure why but as I walked into to the doorway, Dudie greeted me very enthusiastically with a smile but from a distance. When I approached him he ran off. Everytime I tried to get close to him, he ran off. My heart was torn, a bit. But after him showing me how he can do a tumble(bomme la kisie – for those of you that understand that term) and how the fish and oscar can too, and after telling me about his teacher and who know what else he was mumbling, he eventually let me hug him. And then he came to tell me arms stretched out that he loves me to the end of the earth and back(and then when you get to the word back – we hug). My heart melted and I forgot all about that rejection… By the way this is how I tell him how much I love him, all the time.
He saw Dude wanting to chuck the Ultramel custard and went all “Pleease can I have custard?” We tried to explain that the custard has been in the fridge for a few days, well we don’t really know how long, and we not sure that it’s still edible – He can’t have. Immediately, my light bulb came on, as I realised that I have custard powder in he cupboard. Well , I organised the Dudie, who of course offered to help.
I then made a bread pudding and custard. My kid thinks I’m the greatest as I can make custard 🙂
exhibit B – My portion
And this is how I went all Martha Stewart on myself. I’m so proud of well I handle the “ups” but I’m not so sure about the “down” period. Luckily, in my opinion, it seems that the recovery period in “down” is so much quicker than before.
P.S. Today’s school drive conversation with Dudie
We drive past a building with animal statues every morning. And it’s the best game ever to spot as many animals as possible. I watch his reaction in my mirror whilst driving ‘cos you know I still need to keep an eye on the road too.
Me: I see the Giraffes
Dudie: I can’t see
<There was a bus driving next to us and I was trying to slow down and not influence the traffic too much but I could see my plan was not working quick enough for him.>
Dudie: The bus needs to go fast. I can’t see!!! I can’t see! Jusses(yes, I know it’s bad to use the lord’s name in vain – but who hasn’t). Come on man!
Me: You know that’s not nice. I know that you’re frustrated but maybe you can express yourself in a different manner.
Dudie: Rolls his eyes at me… Oh my Gosh! Jusses. Come on man!
I nearly pee’d my pants trying not to laugh. This child is not even three. I sent Dude a message about the incident and very politely mentioned that “jusses, Come on man” is his saying…. I’m yet to receive a reply.
P.P.S Let me get on with being super careerwoman now.