I didn’t celebrate MY mother! I did celebrate Mother’s Day though, as I am a mother too. My Dude and Dudie spoilt me. It was relaxed and chilled. We had such a nice day, just the 3 of us…
Back to my mother. When I say that I have issues with my mother, it’s an understatement. Currently, we don’t even have normal conversations. Let me give you an example
Her: Hi, how are you?
Me: Good <Sometimes I ask how she’s doing>
Her: How’s Dudie?
Me: He’s fine
Her: Can I talk to him, please?
Me: This response varies according to Dudie’s schedule…
- Ok, hold
- He doesn’t want to talk right now
- HE ran off
- He’s busy with his Dad
And that’s more or less it. But coming back to why I did not even call her… A few weeks ago we were in Cape Town. Now, I haven’t been to their (my parents) house in a long time… <That’s another story! Ai, so many stories…> and this trip was no different.
I called and told her that we’ll be in Cape Town, gave her our itinerary and pointed out when and where it would be suitable to see the Dudie. On the Sunday, when they were suppose to come see him, she called to say that it’s too far to drive???? WTF? If you want to see him, you’ll come to him.
<I know all about the “But why don’t you take Dudie to them? Or “It’s your mom, you’re the child… Yada yada bullshit! I’ve bent over in all directions. I’m done. I can’t live like that.>
On Monday, we couldn’t get a flight home so we decided to drive 100km’s to visit strategic family members. We were within 5km’s of her, and then she calls my brother (we were oohing and aahing over his daughter at the time) that they going to overnight somewhere. This venue is probably 200kms from them, but it’s too far to drive to see your grandson!
And that, Ladies & Gentlemen, was the straw that broke the camel’s back! Up until now, she doesn’t know that we were with my brother. And this is how my life with MY Mother goes… I’ve set my boundaries and I’ve stuck to them. And I can honestly say that the rest of my family has noticed a change in my behaviour, for the better. I am happier and not half as moody. I’m more relaxed and I’m enjoying the small things in life… <Thanks Kelle Hampton for an awesome blog>
I’m taking it one day at a time. It’s difficult to tell myself that somethings are just not worth worrying/stressing about. There’s nothing I can do to change. Accept it. And move on.
I am so blessed. And I choose to look at the positives. Thank you to everyone who’s in my life right now.
To all of the Moms out there- Hope you had a Fab Mother’s Day!
P.S. I’m blessed to have many mothers in my life, albeit they’re non-maternal.
P.P.S I had this recurring thought on Sunday – “Just because you birthed me doesn’t mean that you’re job is done. Being a mother is forever…
I think the thing that hurt me the most is the fact that she chooses her husband (yes, he is my biological father but that’s as far as the connection goes) or work over her kids (my brother & I). My brother is in his final year of studies and can’t wait to move out on his own.
I am always in awe of mom/daughter relationships as I do not know what that’s like BUt I have other moms/friends/family that fill that void in my life….